“Winning and Losing are two words that both mean loneliness”
— Brian S. Ellis, “Why I Do Not Pick Up The Phone”
“Dear Dad, I saw your double today
through the curtain to First Class. Reddish faced,
he had the pitted, swelled, fruit-sucker
skin cheeks lips of the alcoholic, still a
businessman, not fired yet.
He sat on the arm of his seat, chatting
across the aisle, I saw your salesman’s
gaze, the eyes open and canny,
he had the shorn head, the loosened
tie, the shirt, the belt. I stared
through the split in the seats between us, and I wanted—
I wanted to go very close to him,
I did not want to gaze at him or kiss him,
I just wanted to put my long
arms around him, smell the ironed
cotton, feel the heat of his chest
against my cheek, the big male body
free of cancer, the fine sifted
lumpless batter of the flesh. Well, that’s it, really
just checking in. Isn’t it something
the way I can’t get over you, this
long, deep, unearned desire
you made when you made me, even after your death
it beams toward you, even when I’m dead I will be
facing you, my non-self
aiming this ardent non-love
steadily towards you. I guess I am saying
I hate you, too, there’s a way I want
to take that first-class toper and throw him
down on the ground, arm-wrestle him
and win, bang his forearm on the earth
long after he cries out.”
— Sharon Olds, Letter to My Father from 40,000 Feet
“We’re sitting here talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we’re talking about practice.”
— Allen “The Answer” Iverson
“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”
— Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
rhwe v. - to fall asleep on the floor without a mat while drunk and naked. Origins: Tsonga, South Africa
I’ve been second my whole life. I was the second best player in high school. I was the second pick in the draft. I’ve been second in the MVP voting three times. I came in second in the finals. I’m tired of being second. I’m not going to settle for that. I’m done with it.
“Because I always feel like running
Not away, because there is no such place
Because, if there was I would have found it by now
Because it’s easier to run
Easier than staying and finding out you’re the only one
Who didn’t run
Because running will be the way your life and mine
Will be described
As in “the long run”
Or as in having given someone a “run for his money”
Or as in “running out of time”
Because running makes me look like everyone else
Though I hope there will ever be cause for that
Because I will be running in the other direction
Not running for cover
Because if I knew where cover was
I would stay there and never have to run for it
Not running for my life
Because I have to be running for something of more value
To be running and not in fear
Because the thing I fear cannot be escaped
Eluded, avoided, hidden from, protected from, gotten away from
Not without showing the fear as I see it now
Because closer, clearer, no sir, nearer
Because of you and because of that nice
That you quietly, quickly be causing
And because you’re going to see me run soon
And because you’re going to know why I’m running then
You’ll know then
Because I’m not going to tell you now”
— Gil Scott-Heron & Jamie xx, “Running”
You the realest breathing if I hold my breath.
